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This is an interesting article:
http://finance.fortune.cnn.com/2012/10/08/retirement-is-brave/?iid=obinsite
I am struck by this paragraph:
http://finance.fortune.cnn.com/2012/10/08/retirement-is-brave/?iid=obinsite
I am struck by this paragraph:
Over the course of my life, I have had a few acts of real bravery. I gave birth to all three of my children, including the nearly ten-pounder without drugs. I started a company at 23, with a $50,000 bank loan guaranteed by my parents. I was terrified that I would lose their precious money, but I paid them back in 18 months. I locked my ex-husband, an addict, out the house and forced him into rehab. That took more courage that you can imagine. When I was 13, I convinced a man who kidnapped me not to rape me and instead to drive me back home. In each of these moments I had to overcome real, tangible fear and do something that required me to dig deep and find the courage to deal with the situation.
Um, yeah. That would be bravery. No wonder retiring is so exciting for her.
So, my mom is thinking of retiring (at 60). She is scared, and I am scared for her. She doesn't have many of the things that I want when I retire: a traveling partner, any hobbies or interests. She has thrown herself fully into her job, with very few external interests. And she has a host of things I DON'T want when I retire. She's nearly blind, she has limited mobility, and she owns a big house far away from good sources of social interaction. And also, I don't think I would want to retire in Minnesota, if only because people there are more fixated on WORK than anywhere else I've lived.
I keep reminding her that she needs a plan for what she will DO when she is retired. And so far, she doesn't seem to have any plans. She wants to split her time between San Francisco (Oct-Dec), Puerto Vallarta (Jan-Feb), and Minnesota (March-Sept). But what's going to fill her time, other than television and staring out at the river while she smokes? I can't imagine.
It's hard, you know, to feel like I have to coach her through this. I feel responsible for "fixing" her happiness, but in a way that doesn't make me crazy. So there's this push-pull sensation associated with all my interactions with her. Mostly pushing her away, because right now, the only "hobby" she can think of is to take care of her grandchildren. Which is something I am not comfortable with her doing.
So, my mom is thinking of retiring (at 60). She is scared, and I am scared for her. She doesn't have many of the things that I want when I retire: a traveling partner, any hobbies or interests. She has thrown herself fully into her job, with very few external interests. And she has a host of things I DON'T want when I retire. She's nearly blind, she has limited mobility, and she owns a big house far away from good sources of social interaction. And also, I don't think I would want to retire in Minnesota, if only because people there are more fixated on WORK than anywhere else I've lived.
I keep reminding her that she needs a plan for what she will DO when she is retired. And so far, she doesn't seem to have any plans. She wants to split her time between San Francisco (Oct-Dec), Puerto Vallarta (Jan-Feb), and Minnesota (March-Sept). But what's going to fill her time, other than television and staring out at the river while she smokes? I can't imagine.
It's hard, you know, to feel like I have to coach her through this. I feel responsible for "fixing" her happiness, but in a way that doesn't make me crazy. So there's this push-pull sensation associated with all my interactions with her. Mostly pushing her away, because right now, the only "hobby" she can think of is to take care of her grandchildren. Which is something I am not comfortable with her doing.
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